Ho la la, it has been a long time since I have posted a blog post on here. Since the last post, I moved to Montreal, stopped writing everyday (or at least fiction, as I have been writing research(?!)), got a puppy, started and am in the middle of my masters, and the worst one of them all, changed into someone I am not sure I wanna be.
This major change started as an experiment to see if I too, an artsy fartsy person could actually swing it in the world of science and academia. Well, it turns out I kinda could, but I don’t know if I really like it here, if I want to stay here, or if the life of an academic is really for me. (Yikes!)
Whenever I get in these “I don’t know what I wanna be when I grow up” stages, I ask myself, okay, so you don’t know what you want, but maybe you know what you DON’T want? So lets start there (and I share this because it may inspire others on their journey to the next chapter of themselves and their passion).
I know I don’t want:
1. To be bored.
2. To be stuck inside at a computer all day.
3. To have to deal with competitive and passive aggressively competitive people who give me unsolicited advice AND remarks.
4. To spend more time doing things I have to do and less time doing things I want to do.
and here are the big deep ones that I think I can actually control…
5. To be defensive about my time.
6. To be longing.
7. To be scared or lost at what the further holds
8. To not be joyful.
9. To not be creative all the time.
10. To care about what other people think or say.
So- I know what I DON’T want! That’s progress.
It is tough to look back at your choices and see regret. It is one of the most isolating feelings in the world, because you cannot change the past, and thinking about that regret removes you from the present. See, my days used to be filled with creative choices, and this is what seems to be missing from my heart. The time and space to make creative choices and simply BE creative. I don’t mean pulling out some paper and paltering it with crayolas, though that sounds like fun. I mean putzing around. I mean having the time to sew those pants and write a blog post. I mean having a moment to read a play and love it all over again. I mean being inspired by the frost on the window and sitting down to write a story both chilling and warm and invigorating. There will always be change, and as long as the next creative choice is the one I take, the one that sings, is “buzzy”, or lets your heart flippity flip from the idea of it, then there can never be any regrets.
Okay, Okay, I know that you have been thinking about it ever since I said the word pup/ puppy, so here is one choice, sometimes challenging, but one I will never regret.